De Ma Cuisine

infertility Archive

Tuesday

17

January 2017

0

COMMENTS

Breaking Up With Burbank

Written by , Posted in Thoughts, Travel

We have decided to move. We could have come back home, gotten jobs, and made Burbank work. But, it feels a bit like when you’re in a decent relationship, but there’s no long-term potential. You love them, but don’t want to marry them. We love Burbank. But, we want more. We want more than living ten feet from our neighbors, no matter how wonderful they are (and if you know our neighbors, you know what it means to say this). We want land and a hobby farm and chickens. We want more than a nine to five that brings in the big bucks. We want meaning and purpose and intentionality.

We have lived in Burbank for six years. Our community is here. We’re going to be leaving behind an enormous piece of our heart. But, it is something we need to do. We can’t get ahead in Burbank. For our lifestyle, it’s too expensive. We will never be able to save money for our hobby farm and used bookstore dreams if we’re spending ninety percent of our income on rent. Someone has to put their foot down and say they’ve had enough. We’ve had enough. We won’t rent for years only to never be able to afford to buy a home. For us, that wouldn’t make sense. It won’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things. The housing market won’t realize that we’re on to something, that the cost of living here is in fact ridiculous. No one will notice. But, it will matter to us. We will be putting our collective foot down. We’ve had enough. We will give you, our dear community, up, because we feel like we have no other choice.

If you’ve met us, we’ve probably bragged about these people. These dear friends of ours. They’ve become family away from family. They’ve walked alongside us, holding us up through job struggles, infertility, and life’s ups and downs. We’ve eaten countless In-n-Out burgers, shared dinners and laughter on our lawn, and pondered life, faith, books and movies for hours on end. Wherever we end up, there are some big shoes to fill.

Anyone want to come with us? It would make it so much easier… I’m not sure we can leave you behind.

Friday

25

November 2016

0

COMMENTS

Gilmore Girls

Written by , Posted in Thoughts, Travel, TV

gilmoregirls2I had big plans for today. Gilmore Girls Day. I’ve been waiting for this for a year. I’ve felt frustration about season seven of Gilmore Girls since the first time I watched it. I wanted some answers and some closure. I needed an excuse to eat junk and had food planned for each episode.

Episode 1 – coffee in our Luke’s mugs, donuts, and Poptarts

Episode 2 – chili fries

Episode 3 – pizza and Founders Day Punch

Episode 4 – ice cream

gilmoregirls1

Left off the menu was Chinese food, burgers, deviled eggs, tacos, pickles, Mallomars, blueberry shortcake, and burritos. But, I’ll pencil those in for the next time that I watch the revival… cough… tomorrow… cough. We had plans to start early and watch all the way through. We had the fire going, blankets for coziness, snacks ready and waiting. It was a good plan. But, things don’t always go the way we want them to, do they?

We watched it all. I cried. A lot. We ate some of the snacks we’d bought. I’m glad we hadn’t decided to do both pizza, burgers, and Chinese food like I’d originally hoped. We didn’t even make the chili fries or get to the Poptarts, and the Founders Day Punch became hard cider. We ate so many donuts that I lost count. I wasn’t hungry for the pizza that I ate. But, I ate it anyways, because it’s wasteful to throw out perfectly good pizza. I flip flopped from Team Logan to Team Jess (and back and forth again). I had great expectations for this show. It didn’t really disappoint. The day, as a whole, was acceptable. But, no matter what, the ending of a show this epic will always result in some sort of a letdown.

I know. It’s just a show, right? Big picture, it’s not that important. But the thing is, to me, it kinda is. Tim and I have been watching this show together (what up Gilmore Guys!) for ten years. I remember watching this show with him at each home we’ve lived in (I think we’re at around seven if we count the month we housesat and the three weeks in Paris). Before we moved, after we moved, boxes everywhere. During critical and life changing events. It was a small comfort during those times when I couldn’t stop crying because once again I wasn’t pregnant. It’s been my background while I planned menus and folded laundry. It’s just a show. Life is fine without it. But, life is better with it. It just is.

Today’s episodes hit home a little more than usual. I generally can’t relate to single mom stuff, life as a diner owner, or Rory in college. But, (MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD) Rory is 32 now. She’s struggling with figuring out her life’s direction. Hello! We’re on a four month soul searching road trip. She feels lost and like a failure. Ugh. Did she read my second last post?! (SPOILERS ENDED) AND THESE (whoa! didn’t mean to start that in all caps) characters feel like friends. Am I lame for feeling that way? Don’t answer that. I care about them (don’t judge). I feel with them (Richard dying – he’s dead in real life – their tears probably weren’t faked). I feel like I’ve known them for years.

Judge if you want. I’ll be here drinking boxed wine out of a water bottle, eating cold Poptarts, and searching the land and farm website for the umpteenth time. So I don’t really care. Could Lorelai hire me to be her chef at the Dragonfly Inn? Oh wait, that’s not a real place. Crap.

I miss them already.

Sunday

20

November 2016

3

COMMENTS

So, This Year Has Been Tough

Written by , Posted in Thoughts, Travel

mnmaple

A few weeks ago we watched the Cubs win the World Series. One thing that stuck in my mind was at the end of game two they showed some of the guys from the Cubs front office and I couldn’t help but be amazed that they looked to be about my age. I look at the writing staff on some of our favorite shows. They’re my age too. Many of the speakers at this year’s Yellow Conference were my age or younger.

And I have to admit that I feel like a bit like a failure.

I’ve never been super career driven. I always wanted my job to be mom. That didn’t happen. A career didn’t happen. Am I just wasting my time?

Is this a mid(ish) life crisis?

A successful career doesn’t define who I am. For that matter, neither does whether or not I’m ever a mom.

Doesn’t… Shouldn’t… Still kinda does.

One thing that Tim and I have figured out over the years is that we want more than a high paying job. We want life… we want to be together, we want to take a vacation without getting the stink eye from the employer, we want to breathe. Life’s not supposed to be just about work. Is it?

Is it?

Can watching Fixer Upper be a career?

We’re dreaming of a farmhouse on a bazillion acres with a cow and chickens and a horse named Cowboy. Tim’s dreaming of writing a book. I want to preserve food from my huge garden and learn to make cheese. But that’s all we know.

I have a new addiction to the Land and Farm website.

We know that our identity isn’t in what we do. We don’t want to be slaves to a paycheck or what our culture says we should value. So we’re gonna keep searching, trying to figure out what this looks like for us.