We’re three and a half weeks in. We’ve seen, hung out with, or stayed with 81 people. Some just for a few minutes, others for weeks. I got 100% introvert on the Myers Briggs personality quiz. I love to spend time with people. But, it drains me. It’s taken a week and a half to recover from the first two weeks.
I’m also a homebody. Our life is small, but special. I cherish close friendships and our values are family and community centered. I love routine, order, and organization. Living out of a suitcase, waking up in not my bed, and being around people 24/7 is out of my comfort zone. But, in spite of all this, I’m loving our adventure. In fact, I might like adventure in general a bit more than I thought I did.
When Tim quit his job last year, it really rocked my world. I hated the idea of being without a good, steady income. I didn’t think life could be done well without it. That may have just been the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Because here we are a year and a half later and we’re back to full time freelance (a.k.a. unemployed). And I’m not freaking out. We’re staying with strangers and people we haven’t seen in years (and family, of course). It hasn’t phased me. We don’t know what’s next… And I kinda life it. My world has been turned a bit upside down. Things feel fresh and new.
As I write that, I’m looking at my backpack from grade 7 or 8. It has silly faces, flowers, and peace signs all over it in puffy paint (and thankfully no declarations of love!). I’m at my parents’ house, in the province I grew up in, surrounded by things of my childhood. It’s interesting how the new can mix so well with the old.
Part of the purpose of this trip is to figure out the where. Where do we want to be… Or at least begin to get some ideas. As we’ve traveled through or talked about places we’ve lived I’ve realized that I hesitate more when we’re talking about a place from the past (not like time travel, sorry Babe). It struck me the other day that this stems from feeling like I’d be moving backwards rather than forward if we went back to one of those places. I can’t put my finger on why. The desire for new adventure perhaps? Or maybe it’s just the painful memories that lurk. Sometimes the moments of pain seem to overshadow the years of good.
There are a couple places in particular that do that to me. In spite of many great experiences, there’s was lot of pain left behind. Driving through one place in particular I noticed that a lot of it came back to me. Not raw or even painful anymore. Just things that happened once that weren’t all that nice. And it holds me back. But, couldn’t new memories be made to overwrite the painful ones?
There’s definitely a place for the past as we learn, grow, and change. But, as we become who we are, there are some places that are best left behind, their work done, their doors best left closed… at least for now.